we all have it, whether we choose to accept it or not. many argue that there will always be someone who has more than they. more importantly, however, there is always someone who has less. if we each have more than another, how can we be so selfish as to not share the blessings God has given?
today, on my way to the grocery store, i saw a homeless man standing on the corner, barely supporting himself with a cane. a knot grew in my stomach. i could not fathom leaving this man helpless on a foggy cambria day. i never once made the assumption that he wanted money for alcohol or drugs. the sincerity in his eyes and fragility in his posture told me otherwise. i wandered the store for a good ten minutes, frosting and chocolate chips in hand for a cake ball adventure with my nieces, desperately trying to find something for the man who person after person ignored. i knew God was tugging on my heart. for once, i could not deny it. i left the store empty handed, a lump of guilt rising in my throat. as i turned right to go down the hill to where the man stood, i could not help but roll down my window to see if there was anything i could do. i offered food, but he said he needed money for the campground. i drove to the bank, took $20 out of my account, and crossed the street. i knew shelter was not enough. you see, i have the BLESSING of knowing that i will go home to a warm bed with a fridge that, though it appears otherwise, has plenty of food in it, and water that is easily accessible. this man? not so much. my privilege haunted me. i had to more, simply because i could. i did not want to give him a candy bar. this man deserved the BEST. i kept thinking of the passage in matthew 25 where Jesus says "whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."i would not give Jesus my left overs; i would give Him a feast. so, i proceeded to get the nice man a sandwich and bottle of water, though i wish i knew if he liked coffee. i'm sure he would have enjoyed that too. regardless, i put money in the bag with the food and water, drove back to the street corner, put my hazards on, and approached the man.
the saddest part? i don't think he believed me when i said i would come back.
how have we become so desensitized that we can see a brother or sister in need and simply look the other direction? if i am to call myself a Christian, i cannot drive by. my guilty conscience simply won't allow it. as i got closer to the man and handed him the bag, his eyes lit up. i hugged him, and the shakiness of his voice told me he hadn't been hugged in a while.
poverty is not a disease. it is not contagious. it is a state that selfishness and greed has forced people to slip into. we will not become poor if we sit beside someone and hear their story. we will not lose everything we have if we give just a little. we have so much. why are we so selfish?
ironically enough, this whole day i was working on a second wind of support letters for camden. i have only received $100 so far, but i realize that now... that is the least of my worries. i am going back to camden regardless. i knew i would have a place to live regardless. this man did not even know if he was going to have a place to sleep tonight.
God is faithful. He provides, without fail. i do not doubt that the remaining funds for my trip will come. i will not avert my eyes or pretend i do not see the issues at hand. i will do what i can, when i can, and however often i can.
brett dennen accurately describes how i felt in that moment. i'll leave you with a verse from his song "there is so much more."
while others dont seem to feel a thing
then i curse my whiteness,
and i get so damn depressed,
in a world with suffering,
why should I be so blessed?
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