two days away.

so much has happened in the past month, and truly i feel awful for not updating sooner. i feel as if i am at a point in my life where i am left to leave everything in God's hands. i always try to have everything in my control, but I've realized that it's better in His hands...they're bigger anyway.

my God is the God who provides. fundraising for my trip had become quite the daunting task. two weeks before leaving for azusa, where i am currently, i only had $400 for my trip. i had absolutely no idea what i was going to do. i sent out two rounds of letters and had not received any funding. on top of this, i had been working on a food justice project for one of the directors of one of the camps. we're going to be teaching the kids about eating healthy and how to manage that in a city that leaves you corner stores as a resource for nutrients. at one point, everything camden related was just overwhelming. at one point i thought, "what was i thinking? how can i go back for another summer?" obviously, those thoughts are not of God and definitely not something i wanted to keep in my head.

i needed to reconnect with my passion.

on tuesday, june 1 i attended a meeting for an amazing organization in my town. this organization has supported my family as long as i can remember. the one event that stands out the most is when i was in the hospital in 8th grade. these individuals made meals and did many fundraisers for my family and i. they are true blessings. regardless, i made my way to the meeting to speak about urbanpromise and what i would be doing there. last year, these individuals supported me without having a clear understanding of what i was doing. this time, i knew they deserved an explanation.

as i sat through the meeting, i was completely in awe of what these people were doing in the community. their selflessness and compassion is truly admirable, and God could not have ordained a more perfect meeting for me to sit through. when it was my turn, i could feel my hands begin to shake as i held the paper with the many facts and statistics about the city i love, but then i realized something: camden is so much more than facts and statistics. it is faces, names, and stories. i folded up the paper and poured out my heart to these individuals who, for the first time, saw the woman God has shaped me to be.

when i talk about camden, this passion burns within me. i feel everything bursting inside. i want to tell everyone about the injustice on the east coast and the hope that i see in the faces of the kids i have worked with. i want to tell them about God's presence and sovereignty in the city. i want to tell them why this city is so incredible. honestly, up until that meeting, i had forgotten all of this.

i am so thankful for those moments when God reminds me of what He has called me to do. within a week of speaking at that meeting, all of my fundraising was finished. i am now going to camden knowing i have brought the organization the money it needs to support me for two months, as well as some additional funding for the project i have been developing.

two days and i will be flying to new jersey. that is so incredibly surreal but i am beyond blessed to go back. during the fall semester, a friend told me i would be going back to camden. i didn't believe her. there was no way i would be able to take another summer off work, endure the humidity, and so on. i had plenty of excuses. my excuses are NOTHING compared to the greatness of God. though right now i am stressed out of my mind and trying to get every last thing i need for this summer, i know that ultimately God is so incredibly good. once I get my suitcase checked in (which by the way, my packing skills are in DESPERATE need of prayer) and make it through security, i only pray that i will experience the same peace i felt when i found out i would be returning to the east coast. while i know this summer is going to be a lot of work and ultimately i am being graded for it, i also know that God is going to transform me once again.

you know what?
i can't wait.


this is a link to "i saw what i saw" by sara groves. last semester, one of my roommates had me listen to it. without a doubt, it describes a great deal of what i experienced last summer. please listen :)
Sara Groves, "I saw what I saw"