en route.

Today has been one of the most challenging days I’ve had in a while. I know God has provided so much to make this trip to Camden possible. To be honest, I cannot even believe I am sitting on an airplane on the way to Philadelphia. For the past few days, everyone has been asking me how I feel about returning to Camden. All I can do is think back to the day I got back to California. I felt completely alone and heartbroken; I knew I wanted to be back, but it seemed so unattainable at the time. Yes, I am excited, but I am also anxious, scared, and overwhelmed. I look back at the girl I was last summer and am truly disappointed in many of my actions. I was a girl who was running away from boredom and thought she would take a chance on some kids in New Jersey. Little did I know, I would fall in love with them.

The past few days leading up to my trip have been interesting. I was so thankful to be back in Azusa with my friends, but I also missed (and continue to miss) my family dearly. I cannot stop thinking about my precious nieces back home. Everytime I leave, I worry that they will forget about me. I know they won’t, but that is always in the back of my mind. I guess the same could be said of the amazing individuals I met on the east coast. For so long, I worried that they would not remember me, much less the words I spoke to them of all the greatness they are capable of achieving. That is truly one of the main reasons I am returning to the east coast. I want those I built relationships to know that, though I may not have originally come to Camden with the purest of intentions, I now have faith in their futures. I believe in them. They will change the future of that city.

While I am beyond thankful for God’s provision, the past twenty-four hours have been absolutely exhausting. I tried to see as many people as I possibly could but eventually ran out of time. I dug myself into a stressful hole of attempting to do three loads of laundry, pack, say goodbye, and get to the airport. Three hours before my flight, it felt like my world was going to come crashing down. I had to make a very tough decision that allowed me to breathe a breath of fresh air, but that feeling was shortlived. I quickly felt heavy hearted. The last thing I want to do is make someone feel like a burden, but for once, I had to take care of myself. I spend so much time taking care of other people. They are by no means imposing on my life, but in this circumstance, I knew my focus would not be completely in New Jersey if I did not establish boundaries. My heart grew heavy and I burst into tears. Though I had three amazing friends with me the night before I left, each fell asleep by the time this happened. I have found that God will do that to me every now and then. He removes certain people and objects from my life to remind me that I need to be turning to Him first. I sat with my head and my hands and cried out to my Father, trusting and believing that He was listening. I kept telling myself God is good despite the pain, but then something else happened: my iPod broke.

Those of you who know me understand that I can hardly survive a few minutes without music, so two flights without an iPod are absolute torture. With many failed attempts to restore my iPod, I eventually gave up, assuming God had other reasons for the damage. The cycle only continued. When I got to LAX, my bag was 57.5lbs, which is obviously over the limit. I tried SO hard to pack well this year, but apparently I just suck at it all around. Luckily, the woman had just started her day and had a lot of grace. She allowed me to remove 6lbs of jeans and sheets without any fees. Praise God for that! Unfortunately, my Dakine backpack can only hold so many pairs of pants, and my PINK oversized bag was not big enough. I have been hauling these ridiculous bags around all day; I cannot wait to ditch them for two months! Regardless, I made it through security and arrived at my terminal with plenty of time to journal and reflect on the morning.

God has an amazing way of speaking to me through this journal I bought. I got it at the APU Bookstore (HOLLER!), and each page has Bible verses written on the bottom. Every time I write in it, the verse applies to my life. In the two pages that I filled before my first flight from Los Angeles to Colorado, the following verses were printed:

"You are my rock and my fortress; for Your name’s sake You lead me and guide me.” Psalm 31:3

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; TEST me and know my thoughts. Point out ANYTHING in me that offends You, and LEAD me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24

In this very moment, God is my strength. I have no sleep and my energy comes from one granola bar. God knows how highly value conversation and led me to great people on my first flight. I sat next to a woman in the terminal who saw that I was distraught. She asked what was wrong, heard my heart, and asked about my trip. I was able to tell her about UrbanProimise and what I was going to be doing this summer. She helped remind me that all of this hassle is worth it. God has called me to return to this city, and though I have a heavy heart, I know He will repair it in good time.

Once on the plane, I was relieved to see that I was sat next to and between four Hispanic men who were flying to Chicago for a week of concerts. Their band performed a variety of music, so I don’t say they were Hispanic to yield assumptions of musical genre. Rather, I include that detail so those of you who know me well can see how excited I was to have mini Spanish lessons throughout the flight! I laughed so much during the first leg of my trip, which was truly a blessing. They asked about what I was doing in Jersey, and I told them how much I appreciated good conversation at 6:15AM. The man sitting next to me simply replied that we are all human and should enjoy each other’s company. Amen to that!

Once I got to Denver, I immediately went for the overpriced low quality coffee. I called both of my parents, but they were busy going about their day’s work. I realized, once again, that God and I are going to be in this together. I can’t keep relying on people to catch my tears; they need to fall at the feet of the One who endured far more pain than I am experiencing now. I only had about an hour between flights, but I had NO idea what I was in for when I boarded this flight.

Once seated in the comfort of 10D (shout out to emergency exit rows!), I found that it would be up to three women and myself to save over one hundred people on the plane if anything went wrong. Talk about responsibility! Well, apparently the two women in 10B & 10C were headed to round two of a wedding that happened yesterday. The newlyweds were late getting on the plane and were actually supposed to be sitting in the 10B & 10C. This bride straight up had her wedding hair still done up and everything! She brought her wedding dress as a carry-on and proceeded to set it beside her. Well, for those of you who do not know, there are only two seats in the emergency exit aisle. The man behind her stretched his legs out, but she straight up went BRIDEZILLA on him because he was “kicking” her wedding dress. I felt so bad for the flight attendant who had to deal with her! Bridezilla was talking back to the nice flight attendant, who got so furious she was shaking in her heels. I almost intervened, because of my incredible skills from Conflict Management (shout out to Professor Anderson!), but I didn’t think it was any of my business. Everyone seemed to enjoy the entertainment, but the woman was almost kicked off the plane. I couldn’t imagine being kicked off the plane that was supposed to take me to my wedding, regardless if it was round two or not1

Anyways, she was moved and we got on our way. The woman sitting next to me is from Philadelphia. When I told her I was going to Camden, her eyes got real big and she looked at me like I was crazy. To be honest, I LOVE when people do that. I get to tell them about the amazing things that are happening in that city because of UrbanPromise. God gives me these opportunities to speak about what I love; I cannot pass them up. I know this summer is going to be incredible, even if right now I feel overwhelmed. Yes, I miss my family. Yes, I miss my friends. Yes, I miss my comfort zone. But when did God call us to live a life of comfort? He didn’t.

I don’t know when reality will set in, but I do know that I am going to be changed this summer. I have a phenomenal support group behind me, whether in Azusa or back home, and I appreciate all prayers that are being sent my direction. God is good, my friends, even when we can’t see the big picture. He works all things for our favor, and in each moment, a lesson can be learned. We simply have to be willing to receive.